Have you ever interacted with a person that leaves you feeling like you've lost lost a bet and you're watching your life savings go up in flames? As someone who enjoys gambling, both in a casino and in life, I can empathize. A dear friend of mine refers to these types as human slot machines; you never know what you're going to get at any given time, yet you keep playing the game and hoping for a win. Funnily enough, I was never a fan of slot machines. I preferred the card tables for the strategy and skill involved, as it was a much more calculated risk. Why then, in day to day life, was I continuing to play a slot machine with people? Accepting a random victory with various loses was depleting me, but I kept pulling that arm down anyways. I thought I was being an eternal optimist by engaging in this repetitive behavior. The truth is that I was a codependent for nearly all of my life, and settling for mere pennies was something I had grown very accustomed to. It wasn't until I walked out of that fog and stepped into my own true personal power that I was able to clearly see how I had been allowing myself to be shortchanged, and I realized I was also doing it to others on occasion. If like attracts like as I believe, it meant I had to first take accountability for these human slot machines being in my personal space. I didn't care for that part, but self awareness is the gateway to a better life, and it was time to play a different game.
Changing your reality begins with changing yourself, and when you make the shift into a higher vibrational frequency, you align with that matching energy. What does this mean? Less dangerous, unpredictable slot machines (people) that steal your money (energy) and more strategic card tables (people) that yield balanced victories (healthier results). Inevitably you will still cross paths on occasion with those types who are out of control, or perhaps be in a situation where you are more likely to have to deal with them. The trick lies in remembering what you have control over, which is whether or not you choose to engage, and how you will respond if you do. The moment you forget this, you give all of your personal power away, and most likely, you're handing it over to someone who's going to use it against you in an attempt to make themselves feel superior, because that is what the un evolved human does. Blame, project, lie, distort, manipulate, dominate, self-victimize, shame, threaten, whatever it takes to feel better in that instant and put you down in the process; and you gave them the ability to do so by allowing yourself to wear their negative emotions as if they were your own.
As a former codependent, I allowed this to happen to myself time and again, and I understand how devastating this feels. I know the life-altering pain of narcissistic abuse. I understand the mind-bending blender of loving a person with mental health issues. I recall all too well the disgust of finding out I'd been cheated on romantically. The good news is that you can start establishing healthy boundaries right now and stop the toxicity. Removing yourself from people and situations that aren't healthy for you isn't selfish, it's self love. The peace that accompanies being protective about whom you choose to allow into your world (and how often) is absolutely priceless. I liken my personal energy and space to my life savings; it's precious and it's not something to be handed over lightly. If you're in a situation that you're unable or unwilling to remove yourself from, please at the very least check out the resources I've shared below, as they are what helped me in times of great darkness. Love yourself, because it all starts with you.
Melanie Tonia Evans Narcissistic Abuse Recovery (www.melanietoniaevans.com)
Codependent No More (Melody Beattie)
Messages From the Masters (Brian Weiss)
The Path to Love (Deepak Chopra)
The Power of Letting Go (John Purkiss)
Good Vibes, Good Life (Vex King)
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